4 insider insights that’ll help you find balance with chronic illness
Have you ever wondered how to find balance when living with chronic illness?
As a chronic illness coach and someone who lives with chronic illness myself, I deeply understand the push and pull of honouring chronic illness as a part of your life, while also recognising that it’s only one part of you and your life.
Like, if I honour it, will it consume me? And by not honouring it, am I trying to hide and ignore an important part of myself?
My question is, does it have to be one or the other? Can a version of balance exist between life, self and chronic illness, do you think? If so, how? And why is it important? Well, that’s exactly what I’m delving into in this post.
What does finding balance with chronic illness actually look like?
The chronic illness:life:self balance is an ever changing spectrum.
Balance is a myth, right? That’s something we hear all the time. Actually, I disagree. The common 50:50, or even 30:30:30 understanding of balance is a myth, yes (I mean, it’s pretty unrealistic and nonsensical to aim for that). But when I visualise balance, I think more about the difference between volume and weight, such as with feathers and lead; the same weight of each will measure completely differently in volume. In that, balance is a spectrum - and somewhat of an optical illusion - that we get to play with.
In the context of life:self:chronic illness, balance doesn't mean that the time/energy you spend on your life is the same amount of time/energy you spend on yourself and ditto your chronic illness. Let’s imagine for a second that something in your life gives you an immense amount of cup-filling pleasure (which feeds into self), but only takes 10 minutes. On that day, you might feel that that 10 minutes equates to 3 hours/a moderate amount of energy spent on your health (admin/rest/recovery). That, to me, is balance.
Balance is also subjective, varying from person-to-person, day-to-day, as well as throughout different seasons and cycles of life. It’s its hugely healing and beneficial to acknowledge that.
Not only does this variable version of balance make complete sense, it also results in much less frustration and impatience. It makes the ebbs and flows of chronic illness much easier to ‘deal with’ and helps you to accept and integrate them into your life and self.
Instead of striving for a specific outcome and seeing balance as a fixed point, focus on cultivating comfort, calm, and happiness in your life, whatever that looks like and wherever the balance point falls. Celebrate finding a sense of balance that is unique to your circumstances and needs, in any given moment, and run with it.
2. Balance as a feeling: tuning into intuition
Whilst there are more tangible ways of understanding and establishing the chronic illness:self:life balance (such as in planning and pacing), I really do believe understanding and honouring balance has got a lot to do with the feeling, too.
Intuition is a funny one when living with chronic illness; over time, we become more and more conditioned to tune out of our bodies and into anything outside of ourselves. Whether that be because of mental and physical pain and discomfort, as a result of numbing, disassociation and distraction, or because we’re conditioned to see chronic illness as a ‘broken’ part of ourselves that doesn’t deserve acknowledgement. When we’re then asked or asking to tune into ourselves and our bodies, and trying to give life to what balance may feel like, we might draw a blank.
Psst - For that, give yourself some grace. This balance stuff is a practice.
To me, it’s the difference between feeling ‘off’ and centred. Balance for me is feeling safe, grounded, and at home within my body and life. That’s not to say I achieve those feelings all the time; balance is a practice and an ever shifting spectrum, remember! When I do feel ‘off’, I see it as an opportunity to question why. That often leads me to seeing that my balance isn’t quite right for that moment in my life and body. I’m then given the opportunity to course correct; something I (now subconsciously) practice on an almost daily basis, using my chronic illness informed planning method.
How am I feeling? > what’s going on there? > what do I need? > how can I make that happen in a way that feels good?
How would you describe the feeling of balance?
3. The tangible side of the balance coin: planning and the chronic illness cycle
One of the best things I discovered was that my chronic illness kinda operated in seasons and cycles (and this isn’t exclusive to me!) Not with the regularity and predictability of the moon, or even my menstrual cycle, thankfully! But over time, I’ve been able to identify patterns and links between how my chronic illness manifests, how that makes me feel and inevitably, how I want and need to spend my days. All of that information allows me to determine what balance looks like on any given day and in any given season.
Being able to categorise the different seasons of my chronic illness in this way has been really good for my brain and REALLY good for acceptance and an understanding that ‘this too shall pass’. It also allows me to approach my body and chronic illness with non-judgemental curiosity, asking ’what’s my body trying to tell me?’, which allows me to plan my life in accordance with my needs (AND wants) and not fall prey to the ‘unpredictability’ of chronic illness. Now that, I think, is a myth!
To achieve a peaceful, harmonious relationship with your chronic illness, and a state of balance that you feel comfortable with, try remembering that your body, chronic illness, and life, are all part of nature. In that, they too have seasons and phases. Each season represents a different state of your illness, and by understanding these shifts, you create opportunity to creatively plan your expectations, actions and experiences accordingly.
Planning allows us to anticipate the peaks and valleys of our condition, helping us create a sense of safety and predictability within each phase (remember how I said chronic illness unpredictability was a myth?) By aligning whatever else we’ve got going on in our lives, with our internal seasons and cycles, we can find acceptance and even joy in each stage of the chronic illness journey. This is something I call the Chronic Illness Informed approach.
4. A closer look at how seasons apply to the chronic illness experience
The "spring" phase may represent an improvement of symptoms, perhaps coming out of a flare and journeying towards recovery. Spring allows us to reflect on our experiences and cultivate gratitude. It’s when the buds of growth begin to appear. It’s the time of us coming out of hibernation, peeking our heads above the precipice to see what’s around us. Spring is the perfect season for planning and manifesting. In spring, we’re granted the space and energy to continue to build on everything we established in the winter of our cycle, whilst simultaneously allowing the focus from it all to gradually fade into the background. This is the learning to walk before you run stage. You might feel ready to do some of the deep inner work, lean on your foundations and unpack whatever has happened during the winter, but try not to jump into everything all at once. Easy does it - the foundations need time to establish themselves.
In the "summer" phase, when symptoms are at their lowest, it’s time to embrace everything that makes you feel ALIVE. You might notice the balance point shifts heavily into life here, with not much focus on health…and that’s OK! BUT, be careful not to fall prey to the ‘I must fit everything in now because I don’t know when I’ll next be in a flare’ mindset, because that’s a sure-fire way to catapult yourself back into a flare!!
This is where the practices you’ve become used to and the foundations you’ve built, become more subconscious, but NOT abandoned. You get to experiment with your boundaries and limitations a bit more freely; this is a great time to test things like food, exercise, etc. with a grounding of safety. Allow yourself the time and space to re-evaluate your needs and change things up a little. The summer is the green zone, enjoy it.
During the "autumn" season, symptoms may be moderate and on the brink of being triggered more deeply. Autumn is an invitation to look proactively at taking care of yourself, a time to build and deepen inner safety, double down on nourishment and rooting into your body. I see the autumn as a bit of a heads-up that things might be moving in the direction of winter. Instead of thinking ‘oh god, how do I fix this?’, think ‘what is my body asking of me here?’ and see what you can do to respond to that in an accepting, compassionate manner. Reassure yourself that, even if you do head into a flare-y winter, ultimately, you will be OK. You are safe and you’ve got this.
Finally, the "winter" phase lends itself to rest and restoration, acknowledging that your body needs time to heal and recharge. Winter is a cue to prioritise self-compassion, surrender and acceptance. It’s an invitation to release yourself from expectations and obligations, adopt pacing (the spoon theory works nicely here), and seek additional support wherever you can. Although there’s a lot of negative association with winter, try to look at it as a gift. When else are you given permission to dedicate so much to your self and health? In winter, the scale is tipping heavily to chronic illness, body and self - allow that to be OK. You may not feel that you’re doing much of ‘life’ during winter but remember, when the trees are bare of leaves and flowers, they still hold the buds that will put on the most wonderful display come spring and summer.
Moving through the four seasons means moving the notch on the scale of balance; each season allows for a bit more of this and a little less of that. The categorisation or labelling of the seasons within your chronic illness experience - and knowing what any given season looks like in reality - takes some of the energy and brain work out of figuring everything out in the moment. Hey, that’s always welcome, no matter which season you’re in.
Achieving balance while living with chronic illness is an ongoing process that requires self-reflection, acceptance, and an open mind. It’s about integrating chronic illness into our lives, embracing the changes it brings, and finding joy and fulfilment in its presence. By understanding our needs, we can navigate our chronic illness journey with resilience and grace. Balance isn’t a destination; it’s a journey that evolves as we learn more and more about the role chronic illness has to play in our lives.