How would you like grief to look?
I think one of the hardest parts about grief is the limbo-ness of it all; a place of not really knowing what to do with yourself, created by a battle between how you’re actually feeling, and how you think you ‘should’ be feeling.
Which is why I like to think about this; In a world of imagining how you’d like grief to look, where it’s an integral part of any cycle - in this instance The Chronic Illness Cycle - what would be your A-Star way to grieve?
Today you’re going to be thinking about how you can integrate grief into your life. A grief that’s prompted by the cycle of your chronic illness; a signal for you to feel what needs to be felt and let go of what’s no longer serving you, so that you can retreat, recuperate and regenerate (which, by the way, can be expressed both inwardly and outwardly).
This kind of grief doesn’t always focus on a thing you’ve lost or that no longer is; it could be a result of the way you’ve behaved towards yourself.
For example; if you’ve not allowed yourself to feel your feelings, if you’ve gaslit yourself in pursuit of keeping a ‘positive mindset’, you might feel that you need to grieve for the parts of you that weren’t allowed to be.
Grief doesn’t have to look any certain way; its about tuning into your body and going with what feels right for you.
Whether you’re coming from a place of looking back over a long expanse of time, during which there have been ill feelings towards yourself and your chronic illness, or whether your in the flow of your chronic illness cycle, taking cues from its intelligence, shedding one layer to reveal the next…
You can even use some of the things you uncovered in the last practice as a place to start.
Practice.
Start by closing or gently resting your eyes.
Connect with your breath; on the in breath, feel the air as it brushes the tips of your nostrils and follow its path into your abdomen. Rest there for a second, then feel it as it makes its way out of your body, allowing all parts of you to deflate and relax as it does.
Relax your jaw, the muscles in your eye sockets, rest your tongue at the bottom of your mouth. Drop your shoulders and softly engage your spine, slightly tucking in your chin.
Now tune into your body and ask;
Is there anything I need or want to let go of?
What do I need to feel? You might just get singular words coming to you, go with it. Say them out loud if it helps. You might come up with nothing, that’s OK too, go with it.
Is there anything that can help me feel those feelings? Think creatively here, consider your senses. Maybe you just need to feel something, in which case tasting something super sharp or sour might help. Or going out and feeling the cold winter air on your skin, or looking at the vibrant greens of late spring. All of this gets to be woven into your grieving process.
If you’re noticing resistance, what could that be about? What’s stopping you from ‘going there’? Is there a part of you that needs to be nurtured, first? (inner safety, compassion, etc)
Whilst grief isn't something that can be tapped into at any old time, I believe you know when you need to. This is a great practice to return to in the autumn or winter of your Chronic Illness Cycle (or any other cycle!)
Whilst I don’t advocate forcing it, I don’t advocate avoiding it, either.
Grief is uncomfortable, and it gets to be transformational and beautiful.
Can you lean into that?