Lesson 02 - The self-esteem bogof.
Honestly, my awareness around self-esteem was pretty non-existent until I realised my self-esteem itself was pretty non-existent.
I started to question the hurtful thoughts and beliefs I had about myself; the doubt in my ability; the self-directed nasty words that would float around in my head and come out of my mouth. To say that it all felt a really ‘normal’ part of being human in this World is the awful truth.
It's also evidence of low self-esteem; it contributed to the feeling that life was passing me by and I held my chronic illness responsible.
I had all the goals and aspirations but either none of the confidence, motivation or energy to do them…or if I did have the confidence and motivation, I’d go about it in a completely out of alignment way. It would end in flare and burnout, further cementing all those hurtful things I thought and said about myself.
This is chronic illness under the ‘rules' of society and the status quo, aka The Chronic Illness Struggle and it’s a contributing factor to the covert wearing down of self-esteem.
Specifically, it causes you to doubt your body, it causes you to doubt your place in this world, it leads you to question your ability to function as a human.
Which is paralysing.
It’s also perfectly coupled with the industry that surrounds the whole you’re-not-enough-as-you-are rhetoric and for so long, I was able to fill my self-esteem void with fix-it behaviours, protocols and products created by people sitting on the same board.
Break ‘em down and build ‘em up (albeit on very shaky ground!)
But enough of the background for one day…
You know it gets to be another way by now!
This is where all the work you’ve been doing comes together in the most delicious way. It’s where you get to lean on that trust, acceptance, connection and compassion and call on the wisdom of your chronic illness.
Self-esteem is fundamental for two reasons; not only does it make your lived experience an enjoyable and happy one, it’s also a necessary part of you being able to do the things you want to do in this life - to live the life you desire - in a way that feels good and is true-to-you.
Which is why I believe the best place to rebuild your self-esteem is on the ground, using your inner healing wisdom to ensure support, flow, sustainability and alignment are at the core of your journey.
In using your goals and aspirations to build up your self-esteem, you get to use the practice of building your self-esteem to actually go after your dreams and desires.
It’s a bit of a buy one, get one free (aka bogof!) situation.
Today, I invite you to go back over the programme content and sticky-note anything you think could do with a re-visit. Have another listen to any of the meditations, tune into where you feel you could double down on the compassion and understanding, keep a note of your 20 chronic illness superpowers, and I’ll be back with the next steps.